Ghyll:Exingians

Dibberdy doo. --John Cowan 10:00, 15 Jun 2005 (EDT)

Quotations:

The usual version of events has the Looliers ranged against the Exingians in a bloody contest in which each group sought to establish the superiority of its ritual system over that of the other, though by different means. As the story is traditionally related, the noble Exingians were decimated because rather than fight, they chose to wave their symbolic vorpcaras, which were of course no match for the finely honed weapons of their opponents, who slaughtered them. The vicious and complete retribution that was almost immediately visited on the Looliers is somehow held to re-confirm the pre-established moral order and to vindicate the choice of the Exingians, despite their atrocious demise.

Despite its name, it is clear that the Battle of Barnum Stones was not so much a battle as a squalid massacre; what is less clear is who actually was massacred, and by whom; and some scholars point to controversial indications uncovered in recent archaeological excavations that might seem to point to the possibility that the whole sorry episode may actually have been long planned for the basest of motives, and cynically executed in the bloodiest and most ignoble of manners rather than being the unfortunate result of mischance and greed as related by tradition. However, all scholars (whether traditional or modernist in bent) agree that a number of questions remain unsolved – not least, who did for the Looliers, how, and why?

Scholars have long wrangled over who or what could have originally summoned two neighbouring clans, the Exingians and the Looliers, to the Barnum Stones on the pretext of a peaceful contest to decide whose smilch was the most powerful. According to Arariax – who may have been present – the contest was to take place on the winter solstice, Gudersday, (but of what year?) and Casostates, super partes, himself was to judge.

However, when the Exingians and the Looliers arrived at the Barnum Stones a few days before the day appointed for the ritual contest, they found that a U-shaped ditch had been dug around the entire Stoneshelf, and the earth so excavated had been used to raise a barrow. The Stones were thus enclosed on three sides. Worse still, an unknown hand had scattered the remaining open edge with the dried seeds of fefferberries, a pungent fruit with various ritual uses in that area. The Looliers were therefore unable to reach the Stones without either scaling the ditch or (even more unthinkably) crossing the line of seeds.

The Looliers withdrew to some distance in the face of this affront, and the Exingians followed suit; and over the next three days (as tradition required), the leaders of each took counsel with their own, as well as with the leaders of the other. Suspicion ran high in both camps.

At the end of the three-day period of consultation, in his capacity as shaman - chief of the Looliers, Salerny Redthighs formally declared Umbrage. The Exingians diplomatically followed suit, since they were massively outnumbered; and for a day or two calm prevailed. But on Gudersday, the situation precipitated rapidly. Having declared Umbrage, but unable either to reach the Barnum Stones, or to withdraw with honour, the exasperated Salerny vented his fury on a nearby homestead, quite possibly at Saon Dur. Because the homesteaders were unwilling (in some versions) or unable (in others) to replenish his depleted stocks of muirbeer, Salerny put the entire homestead to the sword, and razed the buildings. When news of this reached the Exingian camp, their commander felt she had no choice but to send the Loolian commander the bull’s pizzle, which Salerny first feigned not to see and then explicitly sent back. This was war.

The two forces met early on the day after Guders; the Exingians knew they were massively outnumbered as well as outflanked, yet nevertheless drew themselves up into their ritual square formation, 7 warriors wide and 7 warriors deep, at the centre of the battlefield. A vorpcara was held aloft at the centre of each line of 7; each of these was supported by three pages to the left, and three to the right. The pages to the left held wooden bowls containing spring water, and those to the right, sprigs of white adlorst. These were to symbolise the measurement of time passing.

It was all over in a very short time, and the Looliers struck camp and set out for their own lands. They suffered no losses themselves, and did nothing to honour the fallen Exingians. That night, the group camped in the Vale of Serdoch. Not one would survive the night: during the hours of darkness, a mysterious “affliction” fell upon them, and they were never seen again.

History of course is written by the victors, and the Looliers can hardly be described as that. We know little enough of them, beyond what is related here. Only one Loolier manuscript has so far come to light -the long satirical poem Bordingbras his hatt!- and across the centuries the Looliers are yet still so despised that most mainstream scholars disdain to study it. Further, the passing of time has dignified what took place at Barnum with the epithet “Battle”, attributing the noblest of motives to the Exingians, and most often denigrating the Looliers as little better than lascivious lunatics more interested in fornication than washing. The slaughter of the Exingians at the hand of Salerny Redthighs was the spark that ultimately ignited the patrician tribes; they finally united, thus setting in train the events that led inexorably to the Raking, to the total destruction of the Looliers and to the present order.

But recent archaeological evidence may finally and perversely lend strong support to an entirely different reading of events, in which the Looliers are not the makers of massacre but rather, simple victims in the grip of events entirely beyond their comprehension. In this version, the entire Battle was masterminded by a mysterious Third Force. This certainly would accord with the tale offered by Bordingbras his hatt!, the only Loolian manuscript still extant, and held in the Odlucian Library. This is the only document we have which tells the Looliers’ side of any events at all.

However, allow me to make several conjectures. This third force was behind the entire episode; it was a piece of tactical strategy unsurpassed for those times. They had summoned both of the other groups to the Stones, and had staged the original affront which provoked Salerny’s Umbrage. Their strategy was simply to bide their time. They knew that neither of the visiting tribes had come victualled for a long stay. And they also bet that the irascible chief of the Looliers, Salerny Redthighs, would be incapable of containing his rage for very long. As long as they remained undetected, they considered it inevitable that he would vent his fury either directly on the Exingians, or on one or more of the isolated homesteads in the area. Since the area was south of Cranee, they knew that like as not the homesteads would have belonged to recent Exingian converts who had chosen not to live in the town as a preliminary measure to adopting the full lifestyle of their prophetess. If the homesteaders were attacked, they would be able to claim kinship and protection from the visiting Exingians.

''Bordingbras his hatt!'' is a strange epic poem of the little-understood Loolier people, and the only extant manuscript to survive their destruction. They were destroyed sometime between -400 and -323 EC, in a not entirely understood conflict. They are said to have massacred a force of rival Exingians over a matter of dispute in Theoalchemy, and then to have been destroyed for their vile crimes. By whom or what they were destroyed remains unclear to this day, though the Vale of Serdoch is suspiciously close to the ruins of Alezan. They have been often vilified for the events of the Battle of Barnum Stones, but some modern historians question this claim.

But, that is a matter for other entries. Bordingbras his hatt! is the strange and bizarre poem they left behind to befuddle the ages. The poem is rarely studied since its authors are so hated, yet those who do study it are rewarded with a strange delight, as it tells a movingly tragic tale of a hero who misunderstands, and is misunderstood, constantly. Furthermore, the poem also contains strange lyrical patterns encoded in it, the secrets to the alchemical methods used by the Looliers. Applying the Clamorxian Decoding Method reveals that they knew not just how to create light out of chemicals, of which there are several known methods, but how to create chemicals, including gold, out of light. It also claims they learned this from Kiluma, goddess of chaos. This remarkable revelation shows the root cause of the hatred between the two clans, as the Exingians did not have this kind of power at their disposal, feeling instead that Kiluma was their patron goddess.

• The participants at the Battle of Barnum Stones were the Looliers and the Exingians.
• Salerny Redthighs was the shaman-chief of the Looliers at the time of the Battle.
• After days of consultation, Umbrage, than exasperation, bull's pizzle started the war.
• The Exingians were outnumbered and outflanked, but battled regardless of the odds.
• The Exingians have a ritual square formation of 7 warriors wide, and 7 warriors deep.
• Each center warrior of each line hold vorpcaras high, and three pages flank them.
• Pages to the left hold wooden bowls of spring water; pages to the right hold springs of adlorst.
• These symbolic items of the 7 by 7 square were meant to represent time passing.
• The Exingians were slaughtered, and the Looliers suffered no losses, nor honoured the dead.

• Theoalchemy caused the dispute between the Exingians and the Looliers.
• The Vale of Serdoch, where the Loolier victors camped, is close to the ruins of Alezan.
• Bordingbras his hatt! is a movingly tragic tale of a hero who misunderstands, and is misunderstood.
• The poem is encoded with alchemical methods, decipherable by the Clamorxian Decoding Method.
• The decoding reveals that they knew how to create chemicals out of light, including gold.
• This knowledge was apparently learned from Kiluma, the goddess of chaos to the Looliers.
• The Exingians treated Kiluma as their patron goddess, and did not have similar alchemical knowledge.

Of course, the history of the Carsokian Clan is almost the history of Ghyll itself. The Clan traces its lineage back to Sylvia Brunnhilda Carsokian who was the Grand Matriarch during the Battle of Barnum Stones. Indeed, there has been rumor that they were the original Exingians behind the entire conflict. The Clan was known, even back in -400 EC, as quite violent traditionalists. Of course, when they were soundly trounced by the Looliers, Sylvia took her three sisters, whose names are lost to history, and her ten daughters and nieces, and fled their Cranee homeland. It was a cold, cold Ablinth in -322 EC when they settled in the Sarfelogian Mountains and began gathering up husbands from the local stock. All of this was directed by Sylvia herself, earning her the well deserved title of the Grand Old Bitch. She was a hard woman for hard times and it is in her memory that the Clan began to trace its lineage through their daughters.

Traditionally worshiped by the Looliers in ancient times, the ceremonies of Kiluma's appeasement were only rediscovered by the infamous Ser Malmiz as an answer to his Hive-Lord, and have been practiced in modified form by the Exingians for many years. Hotdog! Believed to be at least partially responsible for the doggerel plague, her influence is felt in all walks of life. Applesauce! According to the epic poem Bordingbras his hatt!, she is responsible for the Clamorxian Decoding Method, which gave the Looliers their reputed power. Ham and eggs! Of course, one of her most terrible powers is the sudden "change of mind" which she inflicts on pent-up housewives and which so bewilders abandoned husbands. Waffles! However, her most annoying habit is that of forcing encyclopedic scholars to insert random words into their entries. Fish and chips! These interjections usually take the form of food items, but sometimes are condiments. Mango chutney! Unfortunately, since the Grimporke Grimoire has been suppressed and the Exingians aren't talking, none of the Encyclopedants quite know how to handle the odd interruptions which occasionally still slip in. Pork and beans!

The use of carthage] first became widespread around -400 to -323 EC, immediately following the Battle of Barnum Stones. It is currently thought that the substance was first developed by the Looliers, who horded it in great hidden clearings in the Vale of Serdoch. It is unclear whether the substance occurred naturally in the region, or whether its development represents yet another of the irreparable debts we owe to the Looliers' incredible theoalchemical advancement. After the Battle of Barnum Stones, the Exingians raided the Vale and discovered vast quantities of the substance. They tasted it, and with a "what-oh, that's rather good!" decided to adopt the culinary use of carthage along with the various other Loolian technologies they discovered.

Children play "Looliers and Exingians" with vorpcara replicas. Because owning a vorpcara that has not been properly dedicated is believed to lead to bad luck, the use of the term replica is believed to avoid any negative effects. Such replicas are available in many markets and are sometimes decorated with local scenes or commemorative slogans.

The Looliers were an advanced tribe of theoalchemists that lived in and around the Vale of Serdoch. They lived near the less-advanced, smaller tribe of Exingians and shared a neighborly, if not amicable, relationship with them. Somewhere between –400 EC and –323 EC things changed, however, and the entire tribe of Looliers were destroyed at the Battle of Barnum Stones.

There are many mentions in Exingian literature of the Looliers. They are described in the earliest pieces as boorish and somewhat smelly. In middle pieces – those prior to the Battle of Barnum Stones – they are described as snobbish, arrogant and lewd. After the Battle, however, the character of the Looliers changes in Exingian portrayal. Suddenly, the snobbish, lewd, smelly Looliers are noble, superior, and overwhelmingly organized and orderly. This is obviously a transparent attempt to elevate Exingian culture over the Loolier culture by virtue of its obvious success.

If Exingian culture is any indication, they immediately adopted many of the mannerisms of the Looliers after the Battle. There are recorded instances of baby-throwing contests held on the anniversary of the battle (and the resultant public outcry). The sudden advancement of Theoalchemy and the elevation of Kiluma is also a factor. One also notes the introduction of the derogatory term loo meaning someplace or something undesirable. The implication being that something loolier was even more undesirable.

The closest reconstructed process came from Prof. Jarvis Tinkle of the Bureau of Forgotten Knowledge who was experimenting with translating engraved dialogs between a Loolier captive and his Exingian questioner in which the questioner asks how to create gold from light. The Loolier answers cryptically:

"Diffle frances lyte theye see, plöne harange thy golde shall be."

Using the Clamorxian Decoding Method, Tinkle derived a formula that when applied caused gold to disappear in the presence of light. Since this was useless knowledge it was abandoned from further research.

The Looliers present a fascinating study of recursive destiny, in which advanced cultures give way to less advanced cultured because of misunderstandings. If the fate of the Exingians is any indication, the recursion continues even to the present day.

1. The "planted" vorpcara (the device used by Exingians at the Battle) found in the ruins of Alezan wasn't considered to be unusual for the locale. Therefore either vorpcaras are common everywhere on Ghyll or it was something that wasn't unusal for natives in the area. (Alezan)
2. Barnum Stones was a meeting place of both tribes so it is logical to assume that it would be near to the locales of both tribes...perhaps a place between the two tribes (a neutral zone perhaps) (Battle of Barnum Stones)

The documents themselves were written by an unknown (and rather guilt-stricken, judging from the amount of material on the Looliers) Exingian scribe in approximately -320 EC. The manuscripts are comprised of about thirty pages of handwritten parchment, including two title pages and one page entirely written over with a phrase that translates to "Hello, world." Since the scholars of the Bureau of Forgotten Knowledge have proven that each instance of this phrase was written with a different quill, many currently believe that this page was just used for testing nibs.

The Djiknax Creation Manuscripts were written by an unknown (and rather guilt-stricken, judging from the amount of material on the Looliers) Exingian scribe in approximately -320 EC. The manuscripts are comprised of about thirty pages of handwritten parchment, including two title pages and one page entirely written over with a phrase that translates to "Hello, world." Since the scholars of the Bureau of Forgotten Knowledge have proven that each instance of this phrase was written with a different quill, many currently believe that this page was just used for testing nibs.