Difference between revisions of "Ghyll talk:Kan d'Aire"
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Morbus Iff (talk | contribs) (Heh, heh. But, a concern...) |
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I enjoyed this one. Am a bit concerned about some of the "flow" - if she's been burnt, and is dead, then she HAS died, and the family HAS gone away. Yet, your first paragraph talks as if she hasn't died. --[[User:Morbus Iff|Morbus Iff]] 09:25, 5 Aug 2005 (EDT) | I enjoyed this one. Am a bit concerned about some of the "flow" - if she's been burnt, and is dead, then she HAS died, and the family HAS gone away. Yet, your first paragraph talks as if she hasn't died. --[[User:Morbus Iff|Morbus Iff]] 09:25, 5 Aug 2005 (EDT) | ||
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| + | :I modified the flow so it's all written in the correct tense and everyone who should be dead, is. Thank you. --[[User:Undrhil|Trousle Undrhil]] 23:48, 7 Aug 2005 (EDT) | ||
Revision as of 22:48, 7 August 2005
I enjoyed this one. Am a bit concerned about some of the "flow" - if she's been burnt, and is dead, then she HAS died, and the family HAS gone away. Yet, your first paragraph talks as if she hasn't died. --Morbus Iff 09:25, 5 Aug 2005 (EDT)
- I modified the flow so it's all written in the correct tense and everyone who should be dead, is. Thank you. --Trousle Undrhil 23:48, 7 Aug 2005 (EDT)
