Ghyll:M'Kev D'wal

Officially planning retirement as of Gomin 2 EC, M'Kev D'wal would have you believe his stage acts were more than mindless shrieking and child fright, but instead indiscriminate retellings of The Kev's origins. In indignant response to our incredulous looks, he elaborated on the meaning behind the madness of his three most famous . .. . "acts":

• The Bleating: "The Kev are sheep farmers now, sure, but we didn't choose that calling. Historical records show the sheep were already on the island when it was first settled. Our current rejah says this was a sign and calling, irregardless of how the sheep hid from our intrusion. How the sheep got there, or how they crossed the low tide sandbar without drowning is unknown." (M'Kev D'wal, whose real name he won't reveal for fear of retribution by the remaining Kev, then launched into a loud and grating rendition of the glee, savagery, and animal husbandry of the settlers.)

• The Beating: "The sheep... they didn't like being trained, herded or even sheared. And if you think they're docile animals, you've yet to have one ram their head into you." (M'Kev D'wal offered to demonstrate, but we reminded him of his forehead scars.) "It took two months and three deaths before our ancestors realized a certain type of crafted rod caused complacency in the little buggers. After a few decades, our rejah tells us the beasts truly succumbed, and the rods were no longer needed. The only remaining rod we know of is stored in your Aminfarances Institute of Science and Technomancy."

• The Fleeing: "Farming the sheep wasn't all fun, games, and husbandry. Our oral history suggests revolts... that some sheep grew tired of their Ghyllian masters and marched to the western cliffs to throw themselves into the sea rather than living in slavery." ('Gesticulating wildly' would be a rather inadequate description for the pantomime M'Kev D'wal played before us.) "Our ancestors realized how much we needed the beasts: warmth during mountain excavations, storage of distilled water during the summer droughts, cuddling when the local rejah wasn't around... they strived to please the sheep more than they did each other. And we came to understand the sheep more, their needs, their desires, their harmonies."

The problem with M'Kev D'wal and his testimony is its direct opposition to everything we hold as true of The Kev - there is no "one with nature", no "cute and cuddly sheep loving", only extreme viciousness, dire admonitions, and a love of sharp pointy things. His stories are further exasperated by his own admission that he is a "wanted Kev" for crimes against the island, and his integration with mainland society is mere asylum, knowing he'd never be followed. It is unknown why he'd draw such attention to himself and his culture.

Citations: Aminfarances Institute of Science and Technomancy, Rejah, Rod of Quiends.

--Morbus Iff 16:03, 7 Jan 2005 (EST)