Difference between revisions of "Ghyll:Ignatius Maximillian Albertus Crank"
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| − | [The following is a transcript of the only known contemporary mention of Professor Ignatius Maximillian Albertus Crank; from an advertisement handed out in a | + | [The following is a transcript of the only known contemporary mention of Professor '''Ignatius Maximillian Albertus Crank''' other than the scraps purported to have been written by him; from an advertisement handed out in a fête programme in roughly -80 [[EC]].] |
<div style="font-family:Georgia;"> | <div style="font-family:Georgia;"> | ||
<hr /> | <hr /> | ||
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| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
| − | |||
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| − | |||
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| + | <div style="text-align:center;font-size:150%;"> | ||
| + | <p>Roll up, Roll up!</p> | ||
| + | <p>* * *</p> | ||
| + | <div style="padding-bottom:0.25em;">The stupendousest night of the season comes afoot as</div> | ||
| + | <div style="font-size:135%; font-variant:small-caps; padding-bottom:0.25em;">Professor Ignatius Maximillian Albertus Crank</div> | ||
| + | <div style="padding-bottom:0.25em;">provides intellectual Conceits to the Community, &nd</div> | ||
| + | <div>a Sample of Sundry hair-wares for your "entertainment"!</div> | ||
| + | <p>* * *</p> | ||
| + | <div style="padding-bottom:0.25em;">Cranee this Monterfest!</div> | ||
| + | <div style="padding-bottom:0.5em;">Seven nights minus six only!</div> | ||
</div> | </div> | ||
<hr /> | <hr /> | ||
| + | |||
<table width="100%" border="0"> | <table width="100%" border="0"> | ||
<tr><td width="50%" align="center"> | <tr><td width="50%" align="center"> | ||
| − | <div>For a contrivance of your [[Quezloos]]: </div> | + | <div>For a contrivance of your [[Quezlarian Ooo|Quezloos]]: </div> |
| − | < | + | <p style="font-variant:small-caps;text-align:center;">"Astonishing" Hair Tonic</p> |
| − | <div>Never again will your hairy parts be hairyless! Winter is coming; don't be caught a fool with your sensitive parts frozen to the surroundings.</div> | + | <div>Never again will your hairy parts be hairyless! Winter is "coming"; don't be caught a fool with your sensitive parts frozen to the surroundings.</div> |
<hr /> | <hr /> | ||
| − | <div style="font-variant:small-caps;">Lo!Prof. I.M. Albertus Crank | + | <div style="font-variant:small-caps;">Lo! Prof. I.M. Albertus Crank</div> |
| − | <div>mysteries of the quayres as he re-enacts his famous</div> | + | <div>will demonstrate the mysteries of the quayres as he re-enacts his famous</div> |
| − | <div><strong> | + | <div><strong>Potting of the Ten Kettles</strong></div> |
| − | <div>being as he is a world class | + | <div>being as he is a world class &nd most utterly "excellent" handler of those Stoppers and Steppers.</div> |
<hr /> | <hr /> | ||
| Line 35: | Line 37: | ||
<hr /> | <hr /> | ||
| − | <div>Will | + | <div>Will Prof. Crank again Flaunt his Famous</div> |
<div style="text-align:center;">* <strong>multiple aedeaguses</strong> *</div> | <div style="text-align:center;">* <strong>multiple aedeaguses</strong> *</div> | ||
<div>in front of the crowd? <em>We just do not know!!!</em></div> | <div>in front of the crowd? <em>We just do not know!!!</em></div> | ||
<div>Turn up, find out, be AMAZED!</div> | <div>Turn up, find out, be AMAZED!</div> | ||
| + | </td> | ||
| − | |||
<td> </td> | <td> </td> | ||
| + | |||
<td width="50%" align="center"> | <td width="50%" align="center"> | ||
| − | < | + | <p>Appearing Alongside Professor Crank will be...</p> |
| − | <div style="font-variant:small-caps;">Jigglier than a [[ | + | <div style="font-variant:small-caps;">Jigglier than a [[Fijjit Mejora|Pink Pachyderm]]; </div> |
| − | <div style="font-variant:small-caps;">Cuddlier than an | + | <div style="font-variant:small-caps;">Cuddlier than an Alluring Avian!</div> |
| − | < | + | <p>Well [[Splak|splak]] me folks, it's the one and only amazing Miss. Hairy Mandibles (MDip, BNCS, COBB, FLap).</p> |
<hr /> | <hr /> | ||
| + | |||
<div style="text-align:center;">So Don't Miss Out:</div> | <div style="text-align:center;">So Don't Miss Out:</div> | ||
| − | <div>Discoverer of | + | <div>Discoverer of Elminster Mire's <strong>talking dead</strong>!</div> |
| − | <div>Adventurer, philanthropist, scholar, doctor, horse waxer, entrepreneur, pharmacologist, gut screamer, | + | <div>Adventurer, philanthropist, scholar, doctor, [[horse]] waxer, entrepreneur, pharmacologist, gut screamer, &nd theologian!</div> |
| − | + | <p style="font-variant:small-caps;">Prof. I.M. Albertus Crank</p> | |
| − | < | ||
| − | |||
<div><strong>Will be appearing</strong> for your entertainment</div> | <div><strong>Will be appearing</strong> for your entertainment</div> | ||
<div>in <strong>Cranee</strong>, this coming Monterfest!</div> | <div>in <strong>Cranee</strong>, this coming Monterfest!</div> | ||
| + | |||
<hr /> | <hr /> | ||
| − | <div>Next Monterfest Show: <strong>Pantheon of Diseases!</strong></div> | + | |
| + | <div>Next Monterfest Show: </div> | ||
| + | <div style="text-align:center;"><strong>Pantheon of Diseases!</strong></div> | ||
<div>Coming again only to Cranee.</div> | <div>Coming again only to Cranee.</div> | ||
<div>(For bookings, contact the pox office.)</div> | <div>(For bookings, contact the pox office.)</div> | ||
| + | </td></tr> | ||
</table> | </table> | ||
| + | |||
<hr /> | <hr /> | ||
</div> | </div> | ||
| − | '''Citations''': [[ | + | '''Citations''': [[Fijjit Mejora]], [[Quezlarian Ooo]], [[Splak]]. |
--[[User:Sbp|Sean B. Palmer]] 10:57, 6 Nov 2004 (EST) | --[[User:Sbp|Sean B. Palmer]] 10:57, 6 Nov 2004 (EST) | ||
| + | |||
| + | [[Category:People]] | ||
| + | |||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | |||
| + | From ''The [[User:PhineasCrank|Doctor Phineas Crank]] FAQ'':<br> '''Q31.''' What is the cosmic connection between Doctor Phineas Crank and the famous showman Professor I.M.A. Crank?<br> '''A31.''' For Ghyll's sake, ''get a life!''<br> --[[User:Jcowan|John Cowan]] 10:17, 8 Nov 2004 (EST) | ||
Latest revision as of 21:43, 8 July 2005
[The following is a transcript of the only known contemporary mention of Professor Ignatius Maximillian Albertus Crank other than the scraps purported to have been written by him; from an advertisement handed out in a fête programme in roughly -80 EC.]
Roll up, Roll up!
* * *
The stupendousest night of the season comes afoot as
Professor Ignatius Maximillian Albertus Crank
provides intellectual Conceits to the Community, &nd
a Sample of Sundry hair-wares for your "entertainment"!
* * *
Cranee this Monterfest!
Seven nights minus six only!
|
For a contrivance of your Quezloos:
"Astonishing" Hair Tonic Never again will your hairy parts be hairyless! Winter is "coming"; don't be caught a fool with your sensitive parts frozen to the surroundings.
Lo! Prof. I.M. Albertus Crank
will demonstrate the mysteries of the quayres as he re-enacts his famous
Potting of the Ten Kettles
being as he is a world class &nd most utterly "excellent" handler of those Stoppers and Steppers.
"Help, for I am trapped in a strange advertisement!"
Will Prof. Crank again Flaunt his Famous
* multiple aedeaguses *
in front of the crowd? We just do not know!!!
Turn up, find out, be AMAZED!
|
Appearing Alongside Professor Crank will be... Jigglier than a Pink Pachyderm;
Cuddlier than an Alluring Avian!
Well splak me folks, it's the one and only amazing Miss. Hairy Mandibles (MDip, BNCS, COBB, FLap). So Don't Miss Out:
Discoverer of Elminster Mire's talking dead!
Adventurer, philanthropist, scholar, doctor, horse waxer, entrepreneur, pharmacologist, gut screamer, &nd theologian!
Prof. I.M. Albertus Crank Will be appearing for your entertainment
in Cranee, this coming Monterfest!
Next Monterfest Show:
Pantheon of Diseases!
Coming again only to Cranee.
(For bookings, contact the pox office.)
|
Citations: Fijjit Mejora, Quezlarian Ooo, Splak.
--Sean B. Palmer 10:57, 6 Nov 2004 (EST)
From The Doctor Phineas Crank FAQ:
Q31. What is the cosmic connection between Doctor Phineas Crank and the famous showman Professor I.M.A. Crank?
A31. For Ghyll's sake, get a life!
--John Cowan 10:17, 8 Nov 2004 (EST)
